life has been really suck lately....problems kip rising after one another...
yesterday...my aunt who is oso the guarantor for my edu oan...had to pay for the loan as the bank rep call her up....i was so paiseh...been trying to hide all my prob frm her but end up she found out...stupid bank officer! juz bcoz i didnt ans ur call for once u go n call her up! stupid!

thnx to aunt...1 problem down another 2 to go!

lets put aside all those probs coz all this make me more headache and i repeat again MORE HEADACHE!!!!! duh!

March cuming to end tomoro....since this 2010...i tot life gonna get better....but hmmmm....atleast it gettin abit better den 2009! but on feb2010...mark my 1 year anniversary of being unemployed as a full time worker! but atleast i am my mum's full time maid~! hahahahahah.....

the month of march has been like a "kawin2" month for me....every wkend there's a wedding to attend...all the pictures is in my facebook acct! check it out aitez!

life wif new job has been goin kindda well for me...but im unsure wether to continue as full time or shld i find new job....i badly need a job now! but waiting for my result is like waitin for death sentence! hopefully i can make it!

sch is done now waiting for result...finding new job...hmmm....finding new bf!!! hahahahahahaha......

bloggin bout bf... i tink i hav the so called jinx dat attracts divorcee sia!!! all the guys dat i juz got to know is either already divorce or getting divorce or on process of divorcin...... WTH!!!! ANDDDD....the are all over 29 yrs of age...haiya....sum are even older den my 1st brudder! juz wat the hell is happening sia??? ware are all the singles guyz!!! all the single guys pls put ur hands up!!!!

enuff bout boys...lets move to gurls!!!!!

my gurlfrensssss!!!!!! i juz miss them so much!!!! jk gurlfren ike yani,syura and clara..miss hanging out wif them..... and my buddy...yuni,ash n has....miss them lots!!! its been so long since i last meet them....i hav to find time to meet them...if i dunt initiate to meet up...all of them will kip quiet...coz all of us are bz with our daily life.....but this time round...its will be ONLY GIRLS DAY OUT!!! its not dat i dunt want them to bring their bf...i'll feel awkward....coz im the only single left! hahahahahahahah....sounds pathetic huh....but im not dat pathetic....im proud to be a single and im ready to mingle!!!! hahahahahahahaha

enuff for bullshitin for now....will continue wen i got time to bullshit summore....hahahahaha......

chiowz bebeh!!!!
luv ya all...
senorita signing outz!

it has already been the 23rd day in 2010....n i noe i didnt update lots on this blog.....sorry darla....

the whole mth of dec09 is a challenging mth for me...firstly...hairi...the the guy dat i've been giving much thots of...betray my trust for him....he's actually sumone's bf even way b4 he be my bf....guess how heart broken i feel bout it....i dunt noe wat to say...i found bout it on fb...and i demand his explaination....he said dat i found out bout it way b4 he told me....and it happen exactly on our 1mth 5 days of rship....i was so devastated....aft giving him trust dat he gain way b4 we were together...the love...it all went down the drain....haiz....but after all the emotional rides i decided to move on eventhou he really wants me to stay....to me...its either me or her...

2ndly..christmas was spend at liana's solemnization day wif deen....was super happy for you buddy....i wish u all te best in sailing the marriage ship....wen can i get a god-dotter or god-son???? hahahahahahaha

3rdly....the most happiest moment of all.....guess who text me on imesh....reading my past post...surely u all will noe who...."dari kerana mataaaa...." or "dua insan sedang bercinta....dua insan berjanji setia..." hahahahahaha.....remember tis songs???? lol....its him!!!! yes....yan text me on imesh and we talk till 5am dat night....and guez wat....i make the 1st move to ask him to join me for countdown n he aggreed!!!!! hahahahahaha.....i was super duper happy......

we went to countdown 2010 at marina platform....got tix frm DM...theres me,yan,naddy n ian...yan drove daddy's car....the most scariest moment of my life is wen naddy n yan main amazing race dlm carpark marina sq...juz to get out of dat carpark quickly....we were stuck at basement lvl...alot of cars honkin on each other....there is even accident happens in the carpark k....we selit2 our way to reach exit to lvl 1 den carpark exit.....i pray hard that there wont be anything happen to daddy's car....im sure gonna get it frm him.....aft we made our way out....went to railway for supper...yan bully me! mcm siak....hahahahaha.....but i really enjoy my day....eventhou wen we went for our dinner at beach road kita kene tipu....but i was so happy to spend it wif my loved ones....tapi yan bukan ah....hahahahaha.....aft supper we thot wanna lepak at henderson wave but since yan n me werkin mornin...we decided to go home...nad drove all the way to wdlnd to send ian back den yan continue to drive nad home...aft sendin nad home...he send me n the car home lah kan....if not how he wanna go home coz his bike at my place....

aft dat day we kindda close....thou i noe dat abg aim dunt like it....but i find yan is a gentleman...he called abg aim to inform him dat we going out but too bad abg dunt trust him....hahahahahaha......

last but not least....luvin my 241 hotline peepz n jk peepz...hotline peeps only nitty,zee,mir,zaid and faiz lah...coz the others sux big times! n jk peepz obviously will be yani,syura and clara and sum of the riders oso ah...*only the gereeek ones*!!!! they are fun ppl to be with! luv dem...

below i will update lots of pix dat happen on my end 2009 and sum are on 2010 pix... njoyssssss.......

aft much thots...wif LB missin in action...i've decided to giv it a try with hairi...
aft thinkin, analyzin.. i decide to be with hairi.

hairi...the guy whom waited patiently for me to make decision is the guy who now makin me falling in luv with him evry single day....

he moved my heart win sincerity n patience...without fail tryin to convince me dat he will take care of me....

one thing i like bout him is dat...he's firm...and dats wat i want in a guy. coz being the spoilt bratz mummy's gal...i always merajuk bout the silliest thing sumtimes. he's the kind of guy who stands for his rights!

hmmm....all i can say is dat im happy now....syukur of wat Allah has given me...his guardian angel who can protect n care for me.....Alhamdulillah....pray tat this r'ship will work!


ps: one thing im not happy is dat he so damn taller sia....im below his shoulder!!!!

i've loved and lost LB...even without tellin him bout my feeling.... ARGH!!!!

on my way home frm werk juz now...i've planned wat i wanna tell him...i wanna CONFESSED!!! yes...me..confessin my luv to sumone...its sooo not me sia.... so i reach home switch on lappy n log on to msn....1st person dat i look for is LB... he's ONLINE!!! and wen i pm him and say hi...no rply.... :( saw his PM on msn, "Am i making such a big mistake that she had to leave me????"...suddenly tears flowing frm my eyes....my mind kip saying dat i'll lose him....am i losing him??? even b4 i told him bout my feelings??? haiz....

my tears juz wont stop flowing even wen im bloggin now...

y it's happening to me wen started to luv dat sumone, he will always be attracted to sumone else n im losing him or he doesnt even have feelings for me and only treat me as his rebound rship....wtf! i juz hate the feeling... i juz hate the feeling of fallin in luv n losing even b4 the ship start to sail....hate it!!!!!


for now...shld i continue to hope for LB or shld i giv up?

i wanna scream out loud~~!!! i wanna let out evrything dat has been touturing my mind lately...!!! y cant ppl accept changes?? or y can the be happy seeing their frens changing to a better ones.... i juz dunt noe y....

******

msn-ing wif dee yesterday...was askin him wether hav he ever luv me wen were were together a year plus ago...and he said yes...im kindda like dont believe wat he said coz...if sumone truly luv u...obviously u can feel it rite? but with him i dunno...i dunno y... i noe im nearly like goin crazy tryin to forget him n moving on with life but i juz cant....i try to luv other guys or like other guys but he still in my mind... i miss being in his arms...eventhou we didnt noe each other quite long but we r virtual fren for quite sumtimes....i still remember noeing him from ANAKMELAYU.COM ...

aft mths of exchanging calls n sms...we finally mit up....after the 1st mit...i dunno y...wen he ask me to be his gf i was like...OK..its like so easy for me to accept him...even thou we seldom mit...still we call or text each other as often as possible...both of us was werking in the shift line last tym....me in the call cnter n he in the nightlife line....i was kindda not agree wif his job actually....wich girls would want her boifie to be surrounded by girls! hisshhh!

as days goes by...we start to get super bz wif werk...no mit ups for mths...and he oso seldom return any of my calls or sms....i was super fucked up!im angry wif him... one of the wkend morning i call him up aft my nite shift...n usually he's already back home and about going to slp...but today...i feel uneasy wen i call him....1st 2 calls went unanswered...i text him....no rply....i call him again...den the nightmare started...a girl pick up his fone...i put down w/o saying anyting...den i called again coz i tot i dialled the wrong num earlier on...a girl picked up the fone...the same girl...den i ask...who is she...she said his fren...i ask ware were them...and guess wat...she juz say like as if nutin is wrong..."we r at pangkeng n he's aslp". i was like WTF!..put down the fone and i cried.. i noe dat dis thing gonna happen sooner or later but i didnt xpect it to happen during our 2mthsary... my intention to call him was to suprised him at his place but end up im the one getting suprised! fuck!!from dat day...i totally ignore him...i was so angry...coz he didnt even explain or appologize..so wen im cooled down...i text him for the break up....

but few mths aft the break up...we kip in touch again...i wasnt hoping for him at dat tym...coz i tried to forget bout him but i cant...so wen he came back to my life as a fren...i was sooo happy....i start to pinned up hopes on him....was hoping for him to changed for the better....now he no longer werkin in nitelife...he found a stable job n already changed his bike...

and yesterday while msning wif him....he said "of coz i still luv u...u crazy girl!" den i said " yes i nearly gone mad trying to forget bout us...bout u! bout wat u did! i can forgive but to forget? i dunno" den he suddenly said "den y dunt u cum back to me?" i was like WTF... r u crazy...trying to fool me? he said dat he wasnt playin a prank...but to me...i was so happy wen he said dat...but is he really sincere in askin me to cum back? im still thinkin bout it...

today was suppose to mit him up to talk bout tis...nid sum explanation frm him thou but he paitao...he bubble again...at 1st wen he was about to go out...heavy rain start to pour...den i demand him to cum but thinkin bout his ways of riding i said dunt cum...he said call him back in 15min to see wether the rain will stop or not....but end up he fall aslp n make me wait at werk like fool! stupid arse!! so angry wif him today!

so now...while bloggin...i kip thinkin of wether shld i giv him any chances? i dunt wanna get heartbroken AGAIN!
********

y..wen we luv dat sumone....its hard for us to get him....but wen we dunt luv dat sumone...he will start to beggin for us?

izzit true dat be with sumone dat luvs u is better den sumone u luv...????

and...if u luv sumthing...let it go coz it was never meant to be yours and if its cuming back to u...it was meant to be yours? izzit true???

Thnx LamBaby for spending the nite wif me yesterday....

we went to changi beach lepak2...den after dat slow drive back home....i juz dunt noe y i cant say wat i wanted to say to him.....i've been wanting to talk bout sumting but it juz wont cum out....argh!!! geram!!!!

its been months since we lost contact as he forget to save my num n i dunt have his new num....he seldom online coz he always slp like a pig on his off day....hehehehe.....he's indeed a good fren....its been years since we noe each other....i ever once nearly fall in luv with him but i stop myself coz i dunt want to spoilt the frenship dat we hav....n futhurmore im afraid of having any commitment at dat moment....so yes...we r fren...a close fren indeed...ya we call names like "dear", "baby", "syg" and such but its juz due to our closeness as a fren....

yesterday...during the slow drive back home.....we stop at tampines road to find stars...hahahahaha i noe its stupid.....but deres ware u can find open sky wif no high building~! while we were talking outside the car...he received a call...ada ker patut dia kata dia nak antar barang kat amk....do i look like a package to him....???? so wen he put down the fone i ask....den he said he's juz joking to make me smile as since we reach dat place im kindda quiet...i was like wadda heck!!! im kiping quiet coz the place mcm eerie....den im angry coz he said like dat...nak joke pon agak2 ah baby....skali aku sidekick!! heheehehehhe......

but i had fun wif him maybe coz i miss him lot ah....but my pipi bengkak seh asik kene cubit!!! walauwei...domestic violent tau tu....hahahahaha....takpe baby...next tym u plak kene!

~semakin aku cuba menjauhkan perasaan ku padamu....semakin kau dekat dgn hatiku ini...~

juz came back frm visiting kak lydia at her place @ bedok den went for supper with mummy, ayah n iwan.

otw to kak lydia's place...i text isham...kindda feel bad coz ignore him for last few wks....sory sham...im juz stress up with things at home and work....

i've been forcing maself to make my decision on who shld i juz stick to...aku taknak mengecikkn hati sesape....those dat currently close to me seems dunt care bout how i feel....only to bacin dat i manage to share things.... thnx bacin for being here for ur "sista"....hhahahaha....he called me sista coz im older den him by 2 yrs...siakkn si bacin nie...buat aku terasa tua!

now..im stressed up on how i shld i make my decision....aku tak smpi hati utk mengecewakan hati sesapa...ckup lah jika hanya aku yg terluka tapi bukan yg lain.....aku tak ingin mereka sakit hati dan jauh hati dgn ku.... aku mengerti bahwa ini semua salahku....salah sifat manjaku...kerna kemanjaan ku ini aku seperti menipu perasaan mereka....tapi itu bukan niatku....tidak pernah terlintas utk aku mempermainkan mereka semua.....

aku buntu harus berbuat apa....kusut fikiranku.....